But The Church Didn’t: LGBTQIA2S+ People Seeking to Live Normal Lives, Blocked By a Church

My husband, Christian, and I have found some incredible shows on various streaming services that involve LGBTQIA2S+ people. For example, one of our favorites was “Fellow Travelers” with Matt Bomer and Jonathan Bailey on Prime Video, highlighting the horrendous way LGBTQIA2S+ people were treated in the 1950s to the 1980s within the federal government, including the story of Roy Cohn and Sen. Joseph McCarthy.

The other show that got our attention was a documentary on Hulu, “We Live Here: The Midwest.” The documentary follows LGBTQIA2S+ couples in various midwest states, like Kansas, Minnesota, and Ohio, to name a few. Many of these couples have others members in the family, either from previous heterosexual, married relationships, or other means of pregnancy. While many of the couples were well-accepted in largely rural settings or conservative cities, there were the stories of couples not being accepted and facing alienation from one part of their community or another.

Of course, one of the communities that didn’t accept many of the couples was the church. In stories in which one part of a coupled relationship was transgender, male-to-female, the newly re-formed couple expressed that the one place they were no longer accepted was (drumroll, please): The Church.

Christopher Wiggins, a reporter with advocate.com, interview Nia and Katie in Iowa, who were, once upon a time, very involved in their church. But things changed after Nia transitioned: 

“'My deepest desire is to continue building this life with Nia,' Katie said about her decision to embrace her partner’s gender identity. Their story is a testament to the power of love and resilience in the face of personal and societal challenges. It also touches upon the often tricky coexistence of LGBTQ+ identities and religious beliefs and reveals the couple’s struggle with and healing their experiences in faith.”

"The couple also addresses the challenge of maintaining their religious faith in light of Nia’s transition. Katie, who preached in their church, recalls their struggle with their church community, noting that although they no longer felt like they belonged after coming out, 'We never want to portray people as an enemy.’”

The other couples in the documentary shared their experience with the church in similar language and feelings of alienation and separation. No one spoke of being welcomed and affirmed by any church community. No one.

For more on this program, go to: https://www.advocate.com/film/we-live-here-hulu-couples

While I wasn’t shocked by the couples and family experiences of alienation, I was sad to hear it played out, time and again, regardless of what state the couple was living in at the time of the documentary. None of the churches were seen as a place of rest, a sanctuary, a place and people of love. Instead, the churches were seen as places of alienation and excommunication of sorts, even if informal or implied, rather than formal and explicit.

“But the church didn’t welcome us anymore.” Or, “But the church didn’t allow me to preach anymore.” “But the church... (fill in the blank.)

This needs to change. This is not the way of Jesus. These couples wanted to be part of a Christian community of faith. And yet the churches turned them, us, away.

I’m glad, and truly thankful, to work with a body of Christ gathered at La Mesa Presbyterian Church that welcomes LGBTQIA2S+ people of faith. This is a welcoming and affirming congregation.

There is plenty of work out there for us to do, to change this status quo. It is a matter of justice. It is a matter of love.

May it be so.