This Pastor Loves You: An Appeal to Those Who Say They Love Us ("Us" Who Are LGBTQIA2S+ People of Faith), or "Do You Really Mean It?"

May was quite a month for those who focus on the "theme of the month." It was both Mental Health month, as well as AAPI or Asian American and Pacific Islander month. Of course, in terms of intersectionality we, in the LGBTQIA2S+ community, understand this is part and parcel of our community as well. I embrace the social construct and concept of intersectionality, and realize we are all our ethnicity, race, ability, disability, hearing, being deaf, age, socioeconomic class, and religion. 

And now we turn to the month of June, known as Pride month. I know because Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and various websites and on-line publications I peruse daily have told me so. 

For years, I saw all the rainbow flags brighten up my various social media pages on this month, and encouraged people to go beyond the waving of rainbow flags. 

Recently, there was the global yet inarticulate "all means ya'll" phrase, meaning, on the one hand, that everyone--including LGBTQIA2S+ people--is included in one's congregation. What I carefully asked my colleagues and close friends who used the phrase, "but you don't mean that those who are Christofascists are necessarily welcome, or those who commit heinous white-collar crimes, fossil-fuel loving Kochs, sex traders, or Putin, or Trump, or child-molesters, those who are abusive and are not held accountable, right?" There was always an awkward silence when I probed this "all means ya'll" phrase. Yet within minutes after I questioned the rhetoric, I heard and saw them proclaiming this message of "Ya'll Means All!" No, it doesn't.

This year, I am seeing "This Pastor Loves You" message all over my pages, put on the sites from LGBTQI2S+ pastors and non-LGBTQIA2S+ pastors. There are also the messages of "God is proud of you" (there are days God wonders about me), "This pastor loves you! But more importantly God loves you and always has and always will no matter what you may have heard or been taught" (kind of long for a bumper sticker), "Pride--against the tide of shame despair, exclusion--Pride in the image of God in us," "Drink Water, Love All, Fight Racism," and "Queer Love is Sacred."

Four that stuck out that needs to be emphasized are the following, "Love so boldly that people feel the need to protest you," "United Against Hate," "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; that I know very well" (Ps. 139.14),"I May be Straight But I Don't Hate."

Fascinating litany of bumpersticker theology.

And then there was this one: "Gay pride has zero to do with whom I sleep with and everything to do with the fact that I survive you and your friends in school and am now taught enough to walk down the street in my own skin." 

My experience echoes this one. I was bullied in middle school and high school, as well as in colleges and universities, graduate schools and seminaries.

What I remember that hurt the most, as a Minister of Word and Sacrament in the United Presbyterian Church (USA)/Presbyterian Church USA were the awkward discussions and "education sessions," led by well-meaning non-LGBTQIA2S+ people (they couldn't be fired for talking about us), before voting on amending our Constitution, in which the next vote would make those of us who are LGBTQIA2S+ people of faith more-or-less permanent second class citizens in our denomination. I was ordained and in the closet when I was 28-years-old, and did not come out and was simultaneously outed until 12 years later, at the age of 40-years-old. I lived in fear of being outed daily during those earlier twelve years, and then when out and subsequently outed by a senior theologian where I used to work, I sat in pain and dread through vote after vote of Presbytery meeting after Presbytery meeting, in which so-called friends and colleagues, and other LGBTQIA2S+ closeted people, would deny those of us who are LGBTQIA2S+ equality in the PCUSA. Self-hate, aka homophobia, among LGBTQIA2S+ is the worse kind of sin, and is itself a mental health issue. Marriage was simply construed as "between a man and a woman," and the rest of us of had to live in "chastity" and "celibacy," whatever that means in the Reformed tradition (no one ever could figure it out). The norm of being family was the nuclear family, created in the 1940s and having died in the 1970s, was, nonetheless, reinforced, even though there is nothing biblical about it. I've written about the nuclear family as the "non-biblical-biblical family." None of this really changed in the PCUSA until 2011, thanks be to God, and we changed the Constitution/Book of Order for the better.  Sadly, though, I can still be denied a place in certain Presbyteries because of regional decision making, part of the compromise of letting us be ordained in the more progressive Presbyteries. 

Back to love. Here's the thing about "love." As my former friend and former theological colleague always said when others would bandy about the term, "love," in romantic, simplistic, syrupy, reductionistic ways, "What the hell do they mean? Which love are we to practice? Don't they know Aristotle had four ways to describe love?" And so on. And he was right, though wrong on so many other issues concerning the Church, virtue, character, honesty, living truthfully, and being part of a community of faith. But the rest of the story is for my memoir.

The question is this: which "love" do you pastors want to express in loving us? Ready?

There is romantic or erotic love, otherwise known as "eros." I'm sure that's not it. Right?

There is storge love, love between family members and close friends, and even our pets.

Is that it? Camaraderie between family members and friends? OK! So, you'll join us in solidarity for the next protest march for our dwindling rights? In NC, they just introduced a "Don't Say Gay" bill in the state legislature. How "original." 

Then there is filial love, affection we feel strongly towards our friends. This is the kind we practice often in churches during passing of the peace kind of thing. Of course, Aristotle said that there are five kinds of friendships, but that's for another article.

Is that it? Cool.

Then there is agape love. Godly love. The oldest of the loves. The most perfect form of love. 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love. Jesus-love.

Is this it? This is the big one, and may mean the most, and is most consequential, because you could lose your jobs if you practice it effectively in some denominations or congregations, especially in the South or rural parts of the US.

If it is any of these last three, especially the last one, well, this is a huge commitment on one's part to practice this kind of love when you write, "This Pastor Loves You." And I'm going to hold you to these words if this is the love you mean.

It may mean the following:

* For those of us who are LGBTQIA2S+ it may mean dealing with our own hurt and sense of being unloved, and getting the spiritual and therapeutic help we need to love ourselves as God first loves us. This is especially true if you are still in a closet of your own construction, supported by society.

* For those who are non-LGBTQIA2S+ pastors, who supported constitutional amendments in your respective denominations that hurt us, it is time for lamentation and accountability and confession if you have now "seen the light." I sat through Presbytery meeting after Presbytery meeting, watching you go up to the microphone and denounce those of us in the LGBTQIA2S+, smiling afterwards in hopes of keeping us second class. You were abusive and hurtful.

I'm waiting. Feel free to leave a comment in the comment section.

* Today, we who are faithful LGBTQIA2S+ community members are being attacked by Republican elected representatives, legislatures, and governors, and I'm not hearing much from your churches. I've checked out your websites, those pastors who posted, "This Pastor Loves You," and haven't seen any mention of this and other issues. Our progress is being attacked with "Don't Say Gay" bills and curtailing therapies for young people who are transgender, as well as attacking transgender athletes. There are some Republicans who want a federal "Don't Say Gay" bill, or turn back marriage equality to the states. It is time to stop this offense, and rally against it in public forums and in the churches which we lead or are members. It may mean you lose your job, your position, your status in the church or denomination. Are you ready to make the sacrifice? 

* For those in denominations--like the Southern Baptist Convention, the Roman Catholic Church and the United Methodist Church--the battle against those who are LGBTQIA2S+ is real and is not over. I've worked most recently with the United Methodists to stop the hate, receiving daily hate emails. Such a Wesleyan thing to do...not. Are you working diligently to change the course of their individual narratives of injustice-to-justice? Again, are you ready to lose your job? Your ordination?

So, when I see someone posting, "This Pastor Loves You," on any of my feeds, I'm going to paste this blogpost, and ask the question: Are you ready to love us, to the point you may lose your job? Your status? Your income? Your retirement plan? Your healthcare plan? Because those of us who are in this "good fight," making "good trouble" have, in many cases, lost all of these things.

Oh, and in case you want to know, yes, I, me, this Minister of the Word and Sacrament in the PCUSA for almost 39 years, having served 12 churches, loves you, too. And I'll struggle with you in this fight if you really want to join us. And just heads up: it is going to be ugly. 

And I've lost friends, family members, jobs, homes, income, healthcare, and retirement benefits because of the ones I love.

This pastor really loves you, too.

Love, Brett