Progress-in-the-Making: Of Modern (Queer) Weddings and Modern (Queer) Families

 Amid the news of "Don't Say Gay" bills, Florida legislators vs. Disney World, and anti-transgender athlete laws passed in various Republican state legislatures recently, I think it is a moment of checking in with other parts of this country, and of progress being made.

I begin with our upcoming wedding this summer, July 9, 2022. Christian Halstead and I, Brett Mitchell, are going to get married. Same-sex weddings/marriage equality, has been the "law of the land" since 2015. In our preparations for the wedding, we have not run across anyone saying "no" to our invitation to help make our wedding memorable. The venue, owned by a gay couple, did not say "no" to our wedding. No photographer has said "no." The all-women catering company did not say "no." The florist did not said "no." The personal shopper at Nordstrom did not say "no." The musicians did not say, "no." And the DJ did not say, "no." And the ministers did not say, "no." Everyone has been an enthusiastic "yes!" Here's the thing: Prior to 2015, when the Supreme Court of the US made marriage equality the law of the land, there would have been a bushel of "no's," even in Oregon. Progress!

The other place there is progress is with our LGBTQIA2S+ parents and raising children. In 2007, I wrote the book On Being a Gay Parent (NYC: Church Publishing). I wrote this book, and later a column about parenting, because being an out-gay parent and parenting, even around the 2000s was a unique experience, and there weren't many resources covering the subject. In the media, the film, "The Kids Are All Right," about a lesbian-parenting family didn't come out until 2010. The ABC sitcom "Modern Family" didn't come out until 2009. I could never have imagined having a regular series on our lives, let alone being out and being photographed for mainstream media advertisements. For the good of the children, and our own safety as a couple, my former partner and I lived our lives openly, honestly, yet also smartly, knowing when and where to make our lives known to others. Heck, we were even approached by an MTV casting director, but told them, "no." There was no same-sex weddings going on. And as a gay parent, I had to constantly educate even people in liberal Chapel Hill and Carrboro, NC, what it meant to be a gay parent. Parent-teacher conferences were always an ordeal.

Speed up to today, 2022. I follow two families on Facebook and Instagram, in which there are two gay men as parents, each  with their two adorable young children. In Raleigh, NC, there is Dustin Patrick Smith and Burton Buffaloe who have an on-going Youtube channel showing the family off called, "Raising Buffaloes." They've also had some product endorsements, including Proctor and Gamble, who have used this very telegenic family for commercials. 

Here's a link to "Raising Buffaloes": https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYwWKeuYRQDluXYdS4FkRMA

The other family is Cameron Hamilton Wilde and his husband, who have two adorable children they are raising. They live in the Multnomah Village neighborhood of Portland, OR. They sell children and adult clothing on the well-known Hanna Andersson website, with the two men and their first child wearing matching pajamas with the Snoopy character on the clothes.  Here's a link to their site: https://www.hannaandersson.com/family-match-shop-all/00170.html?cgid=family-match-shop-all.

As I look at their youtube.com channel, and see the pictures of the young children and their dads on a well-known clothing website, I smile. Inside, my jaw drops a little. While the Republican noise machine of culture wars is blaring out hate, the rest of the world, including middle-class US and "Madison Avenue" is accepting of and promoting LGBTQIA2S+ couples and our weddings, along with parents and raising families. 

While Republican legislators and Governors will continue this path of spewing hate and fear will go on until we eventually stand up against it and push back equally hard, underneath it all, progress is being made. There is a growing acceptance of our weddings, our couple-hood and throuple-hood, our families and parenting, and our growing old together not only in this society, but someday in this world, even perhaps some mainline denominations.

May it be so.